Two for the Road

This morning I got a latte with hazelnut. I think we know why =). Oh the angst of choosing the right menu item! My hot chocolate was DELICIOUS but the wafting scents of gingerbread and butterscotch got me all jealous and regretful of my decision not to partake in one extra flavouring to enhance the milky chocolatey goodness. I think it's clear at this point that I am way too preoccupied with food....

It would be remiss of me to NOT write about meeting up with Cat and Laura. It feels funny though because I know they'll read this! But only good things to follow =) Lovely lovely funny girls and awesome to be with. Definitely had a blast. I think I showed my entire lack of coolness within the first 10 seconds, but hey, I am an open book! Hehe. I'd gladly hang with them again, if they'll have me of course! I'd be lying if I said I didn't imagine what they might have been saying when they left me after kindly walking me through the ghetto to my carpark. I have a paranoid side (that I hide so well.. not! *cough*what if my dress doesn't zip??*cough*) so it did creep into my mind that they were going 'well she was thoroughly WEIRD' buuuut I couldn't blame them if they did think that really, I can't present myself under false pretences, I am what I am, a big losery dork with a fivehead ;)

Only another couple of hours of work to go for the day, I think I might go home and make a white chocolate mud cake to celebrate a lazy Friday night in with my man. Just so long as we don't get unexpected visitors in the middle of the night practically lol, grumpy bitch I am. So yes, white chocolate mud cake it is, and maybe I'll get a dvd on the way home too, if I go without Mark I can get something lame that he'll hate but begrudgingly watch with me and secretly enjoy. I'm going into the wedding dress shop to ascertain whether they have in fact hemmed my dress too short or whether it's me being paranoid polly again. I think it's a good thing, I need to be sure it's perfect, I hate doubt.

Mum called me today and told me that she and my Aunt have decided to throw me a kitchen tea on the week of the wedding. It seems slightly last minute to me considering we're having our hucks night on the Thursday and she's proposing the afternoon tea for the Tuesday, but hey, wedding weeks are supposed to be busy I guess. It will just be a very small girly gathering with tea and cake but now I have to conjure up an invitation and quickly send it out to everyone and hope that maybe.. 5 people.. will say yes! Haha. I'm begrudgingly accepting the shindig because I so vehemently denied the engagement party proposal. EDIT: So as it turns out mum was planning the kitchen tea for the 3rd of Jan without realising that I'm still in Sydney until 5pm that day, so it's now NOT on anymore, which..is actually sort of a relief lol although I do think it could have been kinda nice.. but months ago, rather than just a few days before the wedding. Moot point anyway!

Gibson has his obedience graduation tomorrow morning (what a farce!) and then we're hitting the shops to organise the wedding suits and Christmas shopping. There's going to be a lotttt of pavement pounding on the weekend, I suppose that calls for sensible shoes.

I watch Glee. And maybe that's embarrassing. I have also seen all the High School Musical movies, a couple of them more than once. That Zac Efron, he's cute. I should be ashamed, but I'm not. Because it's me. I love the joy and the enthusiasm and the fun of it all.

I always struggle to pick shoes with any outfit I wear. No matter what colour I'm wearing, no matter what clothes. Shoes don't come easily to me. Do these match enough.. do these match too much? More often than not I opt for thongs.

I LOVE carbs. Atkins can kiss my ass. Bread. Pasta. Rice. Potatoes. How could I quit those?

More often than not I would rather be in trackies on the couch eating pizza and being chilled than out on the town wearing uncomfortable (possibly badly matched) shoes, wishing I'd brought a jacket in places that are too loud to have a real conversation.

I am loyal. I care for people and I'll do anything for my friends. Even accept it when they're gone.

Occasionally I don't clean my teeth before bed. Not often admittedly (the curse of having a dental nurse for a mum), but sometimes I'll forget and get into bed before I've done it and then I don't want to get up and do it.. so I don't.

I wish I could braid my hair. I love the look of those funky side braids across the front of your hair, but I'm too retarded to be able to do it.

Christmas makes me smile. The lights, the colours, the joy, the carols. But mostly the giving. Getting too. Mostly though, the giving.

I do want to be beautiful. Shallow as that makes me, I just think it would be nice to be gorgeous. To be that gorgeous girl.

I love to cook desserts. Cakes and slices and puddings. I think I could do it every day for the rest of my life and not get sick of it.

I love Mark more than there are even words to describe. I don't even feel like I'm in the room until he's noticed me.

I wish I had more friends. I love the close ones I have, but I want a few more. I don't want to be greedy, and I know I can't replace what I had with Lanna. But I want someone that I can laugh and be silly with and not feel like an idiot in front of.

I have secret chocolate stashes in our house. I'm pretty sure Mark doesn't know about them.

I think cheesecake should be a food group.

Sometimes the sparrow looks up the wren on facebook and just stares at the wren's picture knowing she can't see the rest of his page because.. they're not friends.

I love to make people laugh.

I talk to my puppy when there's no one else home.

I am. Me.

Don't post on weddingplans when you're feeling a bit down and emotional unless you want to be ripped to shreds.

It's hard to go to a wedding these days and not spend the whole time pulling every minute detail to pieces and analysing every moment all the while making mental notes about what I do and don't want to happen at my own wedding.

So without further ado..

Things of Note:

• Remind celebrant that he is there to officiate the proceedings and to ensure things run smoothly, not to be an attention seeking pseudo stand-up comedian.
• Discourage celebrant from wearing a headset. It's a wedding ceremony not a Madonna concert.
• Ensure to tell celebrant not to interupt me as I'm about to say "I do" with "WAIT WAIT WAIT WE NEED A FLY SWATTER!!!".
• Running commentary is really not necessary in a wedding ceremony. Ie: "Oh yes that's right we decided I would hold this for you so you can keep holding your flowers, right, we'll do it that way. I remember now". Inner dialogue is a celebrants best friend.
• I would rather people at the back not be able to hear me than have to carry an enormous black microphone.
• Encourage bridesmaids not to use newly signed marriage certificate as a fan.
• Discourage guests from making loud pointed wise cracks during the ceremony.
• Hope for the best that some of the speeches actually MENTION me and that they're not all about the groom and the groom only.

Ok so I sound like a mega bitch.. and I have to say... the wedding was lavish and gorgeous and apparently cost "closer to six figures than five". And it showed. It was stunning. BUT the celebrant was TERRIBLE!!!!!! So much so that I'm on the verge of writing a little email to my own celebrant to clarify the kind of affair I actually want my wedding to be. She was wearing a gaudy goldy/khaki jacket (so glad I've chosen a male celebrant, can't screw up a suit really) and acted as if she was auditioning for a spot on Good News Week. I would have been so peeved had it been my wedding and she was vocalising every thought process.. "Stop stop stop. We need some tissue therapy here. Sometimes the most UNEXPECTED things happen in wedding ceremonies"...uh...is it really THAT unexpected that the bride will cry??? How long has she been doing this gig for??

The other thing that I noticed was that the bride and groom seemed so far away from each other during the whole ceremony, I don't want that for mine, I want us to be close to one another, at least within hand holding distance from one another, and when I say that I would prefer not to be heard than have a huge microphone stuck in my face, I do mean that. It looked so tacky. Particularly as the bride had the most divine bouquet of pink peonies and white hydrangea that it seemed quite a shame to pass the bouquet over and hold a microphone throughout the whole ceremony. Added to which, it seemed a little cold. There wasn't much love evident throughout the whole day/night. I kind of always expect weddings to be dripping with love. This one was dripping with expense, but it almost seemed more like the grooms 30th than his wedding.

Anyway.. some pictures.


Lame ass walk in wardrobe shot of myself. Because I am a huge dork.




Awww kissies in the car. I look naked but I'm not... lol...obviously


The stunning centrepieces. I did have a little bit of centrepiece envy I have to admit.



And the brides dress - sorry for the average shot, but I don't really know her that well and felt weird asking her for a photo. I didn't really like the dress personally but I didn't have to wear it so it didn't really matter hehe!

We definitely reinforced that we made the right decision not inviting to our wedding one of Mark's old friends and his girlfriend though over the course of the night. Mark's old friend was never reeeeally the problem (although we were dubious as they have nothing to do with one another nowdays and there's a tiny bit of bad blood there) but his girlfriend who is an unfathomable bitch was pretty much the nail in the coffin of them coming to our wedding. I suppose there have been moments where I've had doubts and thought, oh..maybe we should invite them.. but last night completely reminded me why I can't have her anywhere near me, let along at such an important occasion. She actually had the gall to interupt a conversation I was having with someone about our upcoming wedding to say that she thinks weddings are a waste of time and money and that it doesn't solidify a relationship and doesn't really MEAN anything. Apparently having kids, THAT'S what means something, a marriage certificate means jackshit in comparison and is such a self indulgent thing to put so much time and energy into. Apparently she's told her boyfriend NOT to propose, that's how strongly she feels about it. I just stood there gobsmacked that she could actually say those things to me, a person getting married in three and a half weeks! I knew she was a bitch but I didn't realise quite how bad. What I SHOULD have said was a pointed "you'll feel differently when someone wants to marry you" but my inner bitch never lets itself out unfortunately and instead I just said a lame "yeah..but it's nice". I was so irritated afterwards, but slightly smug when after her big anti wedding rant she was one of the first to stand up in readiness for the bridal bouquet toss. Who was she trying to convince anyway? Me or herself??

Wedding ring anyone!???





LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE

Goodness me the week has been insane. So insane that this is the first time that I've had the chance to update on the status of the happenings of 28-days-out from the big day (and the rest of the stuff that's been happening in my life of course!)

We had a big lunch on Sunday with my folks at Mark's parents beach house. I think my mum was actually pretty nervous spending so much time with Mark's parents since they don't know each other that well and she of course wants to make a good impression, but it ended up going quite well I think. Everyone seemed relaxed and happy and they all seemed chilled and comfortable. It's not the first time they've met or anything and we've all had lunches together before now, but this was the first time we've all had a meal together somewhere other than neutral territory. If anything *I* was the most uncomfortable one there!! Mark's mum said something early on in the day that really upset me and I couldn't get past it. She started asking about the menu for the wedding and commenting that they hadn't even seen what we'd picked, then she went on to question if there were prawns and oysters on the menu. I don't know why she would even mention this unless she was trying to goad me because the backstory is that I don't eat seafood. I made the decision early on that I wouldn't be choosing any seafood options for the wedding regardless of what other people like because there are plenty of delicious things to eat that AREN'T seafood and I don't see the point in serving things that I wouldn't want to eat myself. Selfish as it may sound but I want to have a nibble of everything on the day, I don't want to waste time and money on something that I don't enjoy. Mark's mum made a huge fuss about it, even though she knows I don't like seafood, saying "but Mark does" and "everyone else does"! I started by saying 'it's only food' but that wasn't good enough because that just made her get up in arms about the fact that food is what the reception is all about.. and I suppose she had a point. But then I sort of said there are lots of other things that will be DELICIOUS that AREN'T seafood and that still wasn't good enough and she made a snarky comment about the fact that it's obvious this is "MY" wedding rather than it being mine AND Marks wedding. I thought that was really hurtful. I've done everything I can to involve his family in the wedding, particularly since when their other son Robbie got married his now wife did the exact opposite and excluded them from everything! I even invited his mum to come wedding dress shopping and to come to see the dress I chose when I ended up finding something on an occasion she wasn't there, even though I honestly would have preferred that she wasn't involved so heavily. We've discussed every step of the way with them and tried to keep them informed on all fronts but there's only so much I'm willing to bend on. I was straight up from the beginning I didn't want seafood and I didn't see the big deal and I actually thought that the whole comment about how obvious it was that it was OLIVIA'S wedding was a cheap shot, and unnecessary. Then she made a fuss when my step dad mentioned the list of jobs I'd given him, mum and Mark to do towards the wedding; she said "we didn't get a list!!" and I just felt like bashing my head against a wall. I was sparing them from having a list of jobs to do, for one! And on top of that I didn't really want them to feel like they had a whole lot of errands to run when everyone knows that traditionally the brides parents have more of a hands on involvement in the wedding than the grooms (and just between you and me.. I didn't really trust them to do jobs if I asked them to). I mentioned to Mark's mum that I actually had given her a "job" which was to book me an appointment with her nail lady to get my nails done on the week of the wedding (which, might I add, she has still not done.. just backs up my reticence to give them jobs in the first place!!). So, *sigh* all of that made me really irritated that day, it's like all my efforts to make them feel included and a part of the planning process have been a complete waste of time because obviously it wasn't enough for her! She's such a control freak. Ugh!

Anyway in other news, I sat down with my boss at work today and had it out with her about my co-worker who has been putting me down and making me feel like.. well.. the office maid pretty much. It was a slightly risky endeavor because my boss is actually good friends in real life with this particular person but I knew that she is also the kind of boss who doesn't put things like that in front of the best interests of the business as a whole. Truthfully, my boss actually ALSO makes me feel like the office maid on occasion but I thought by bringing up the co-worker and the things she does and says to make me feel that way might, in a subtle way, highlight also to my boss that she should be mindful of the way she treats people 'below' her too. I told her that sometimes I felt like I was made to feel like the lowest common denominator in terms of the office and like I wasn't as important or as vital to the team as everyone else. I also mentioned that sometimes it comes across as if I am just everyones slave that they handball the crap jobs that they don't want to do themselves to and that that wasn't going to keep me stimulated enough to want to stay working there long term. She said she was going to talk to my co-worker about it but say that SHE had noticed it rather than that I brought it up with her, because she said she didn't want the situation to be worsened with my co-worker thinking I'd gone and bitched behind her back, which I actually really appreciated because I was really concerned about it all coming to light and the chick getting ruder and bitchier because I'd sicked the boss onto her. I hope that the whole situation improves cos I was nervous about having the conversation but didn't want to let it get to a point where it had festered so much that I just wanted to quit the job. I also got the opportunity to reiterate that I was eager to progress and further my career there - I thought it was important for her to know that I actually wanted growth within the company, that I didn't just want to continue plodding along in the same position. So anyway, I felt quite proud of the fact that (even if it's in a backhanded way) I stood up for myself and tried to make a change for the better instead of just sucking it up and just whinging and complaining about it all at home.

I've been to Sydney and back this week to undergo training in the Sydney head office, it was realllly tiring but a good trip - I do have serious office envy though, the Syd office is amazing, comparing our office and theirs is like comparing Oodnadatta to New York. The flight over was insanely turbulent and as I'm not a great flyer at the best of times I was pretty freaked out, not helped by the captain saying over the loud speaker "all passengers and crew return to your seats and fasten your seatbelts IMMEDIATELY". He sounded entirely PANICKED! Ugh. It was helped though by the fact that I was coincidentally seated next to a couple on their honeymoon! We sat there the whole time talking about our respective weddings and they even showed me all their shots on their laptop, it was lovely!

Speaking of weddings....I have another trip to the dress shop in an hour and a half as the alterations have been completed to my wedding dress. Exciting! I think this is likely to be the last time I put the dress on until the actual day! WOOOO! I also am off to a wedding tomorrow in the Belair National Park with a reception at Silvestri's, I'm looking forward to the wedding because I think it's a really good way of picking up on things that you do and don't want to happen at your own wedding, but not looking forward to it as much because the place is going to be filled with a whole lot of people that used to be Mark's friends that now are NOT.. so that's kind of awkward.

Anyway.. the shower is calling me! With a week full of early rising and showers at the gym, I'm dying for a nice hot steamy shower in my own bathroom!!!

P.S. Darrell Lea milk choc rocky road.. FOR THE WIN!!!!!!!!!

I'm moderately to extremely excited today!

Our venue told us about a month ago that they may have a gorgeous temple built in our ceremony location by the time our wedding comes along. I didn't put much credence into it at the time because I sort of knew that the owner of the property (an eccentric billionaire...oh to be one of those) sometimes doesn't follow through on his best laid plans.. but in my secret heart though I knew deep down I was desperately hoping it would happen.

I really needed to find out if the temple was going ahead, firstly because the suspense and the not knowing has been killing me, but mostly as we have floral arrangements for the ceremony and I needed to know if there would be a flat based surface to place them on as the pedestals we have organised for the arrangements to stand on look heavy but are deceptively light weight and would be too precarious to just sit on grass. With no temple built we would need to source heavier based pedestals that would be safer for the arrangements. All very detailed and tedious I know!! Sooooo I twisted Mark's arm today and had him call the venue to establish the progress...annnnnd our eccentric billionaire told us the slab has been laid and the construction is underway and henceforth...the temple WILL be ready for our wedding, and in fact we will be the FIRST ever to be married under it.

For reference, they have designed it to look similar to this beautiful temple at Silvestri's:



Sorry for the blur - stupid google images, was the best I could do! We have only seen a hand drawn sketch of the actual proposed temple but it was similar in design to this (when Chris told us about the idea last month, I was like "temple...wtf???" It took a quick sketch to actually get me to understand what the hell he was talking about). In our initial planning process when we had not been to Kingsbrook, I remember seeing the above picture and seriously contemplating having our wedding at Silvestri's because of how beautiful that particular structure looked (there were many many many other things that put me OFF having our day there though hence why we arent!),. Annnnyway... when Chris showed us the sketch of the temple proposed for Kingsbrook I immediately thought to myself "omg it's just like Silvestri's!!!" and as Kingsbrook has a Tuscan sort of vibe to it in all it's construction I imagine that the sandstone feel of the rest of the buildings on the property will be emulated in the design and construction of the temple too.

So I am PSYCHED! Really psyched. Really really REALLY psyched. I did a little dance in the kitchen when Mark told me. There is of course a tiny little naysayer that has taken up residence in the crook of my ear that whispered to me "yeah but it still MIGHT not happen. It MIGHT not get finished..and then what?? You can get married on the big slab of concrete that has been laid in preparation for it instead right?? Niiiiceeeee.." but I have promptly picked up the little irritant by the toe and flicked him into our lush carpeted living room rug. Take that tiny naysayer!!!

I am also a bit (lot!!) bubbley about my wedding dress again. Looking over the pictures from yesterday again and again and again...and then again for good measure, I realised how much I truly do love my dress. I adore it. When wearing it I feel unique and special and it makes swishy noises when I walk. It's creamy and luxe and luxurious and not just your average wedding dress. I definitely made the right choice. Oh I'm sure there are any number of beautiful divine dresses that may have looked amazing and felt like the one, but this is the one that found me, and this is the one that I will wear when I marry the man that I love, a man that I knew I loved from the moment we first kissed. This is the dress I will start the rest of my life in. And I couldn't be happier!!! So long as it still zips in four weeks time.......lol!!

In other non wedding related news (not much actually comes out of my mouth lately that is non wedding related, so take it where you can get it!!), strange unexpected things have been happening on the friends front. My lovely pregnant Irish rose Niamh and her husband have just announced they're moving, NEXT WEEKEND no less, and they happen to be moving about 3 minutes away from our house!! I'm actually really happy about this, she's a good friend and one that I imagine could be a better friend if it weren't for the fact that it has been impossible until now to just 'pop past' or 'drop in to say hi' because they've lived about 45 minutes away! Kinda kills spontaneity that does! So I think it's going to be really good for our friendship for her to live so close, particuarly as she'll need someone who can be there for her what with the birth of her first baby and all her family and friends in Ireland. I do really like her, she's not the kind of friend that I feel really "comfortable" with if I'm honest, we don't have that rapport where you can say anything and it's hysterically funny or where I feel like I could sit on the phone to her and chat and not start to feel awkward after 10 minutes... but maybe all that will change now that I'm bound to see her more with her living around the corner. I don't know. Maybe you only ever find one of those friends once in a lifetime and when Lanna ended her life I lost that and won't have it again. I don't feel that "connection" with Niamh but I do feel like she's special and kind. That should be enough really.

On top of that, I got a random facebook message from one of Mark's friends girlfriends. I know her only on the surface, we've been to their house a couple of times and been out with them as Mark is really very good friends with her partner Joel, but I didn't really imagine it was ever going to be more than just a 'chatting because our partners are friends' kind of relationship. Anyway, completely out of the blue she has asked me to meet up with her for a drink and some Christmas shopping in a few weeks. I'm down with that. I don't even know what to expect really because I don't know her that well, I know we have a lot in common but she's always seemed much more 'at one with the earth' than me. Lol. Really really nice girl though, and we both work in the same field and we both love writing and value being articulate and.... yeah...God it's weiiirddd being 27 and looking to make new friends and taking a glimmer of hope in random things like this that would be totally normal to anyone else. Suchhhh a freak I am! It's amazing how the world can suddenly turn things upside down though, you're happy with your little life, and your friends, and then something happens.. and for me that something was the loss of Lanna.. and everything changes and you re-evaluate everything that you think and everything that you know and everything that you THINK you KNOW.. and you go, actually I want something different. And for me I guess I decided I wanted different attributes in my friends, and I wanted people who valued life, people who were excited and enthusiastic and silly and not afraid to make a fool of themselves, and that weren't afraid to give (or receive) a compliment..they were all the amazing qualities Lanna had and that a lot of the other people in my life DIDN'T. So now I guess I look for people who are... a bit like her I suppose.

Lol. Man.. I sound like I'm putting together a job ad or something... HELP WANTED...apply within...! Lol. Do I sound like a complete tragic??

I'm too busy squeeeeing about temples and dresses to worry about being a tragic loser though!!!